New Plan

A lot has happened since my last post. I thought about deleting the previous posts and starting over, but I think I’ll just press on. Last December I was newly laid off, pregnant and stressed out – but optimistic. This December I’m newly fired, the mother of two and fighting hard to keep my head above water.

I decided I need to start making blogging a regular part of the plan after going back to work this summer and realizing, ‘oh yeah - duh - not practicing skills like composition and typing leaves you real rusty when it is time to go back to the office.’ So the new plan is to use blogging as a writing exercise.

I’m hoping a bigger plan comes together soon with some direction for my life. I would love to stay home with the boys, work on a bachelor’s degree, and maybe work from home. But I don’t see how that’ll fly in our current situation. So am I going back to work? A requirement for receiving FL unemployment is that I must apply for 5 jobs every week, which isn’t too hard, but it does mean I’m applying for a lot of positions outside my focus. There are only so many paralegal jobs in my town on any given week, after all.

But really, thank goodness for some down time! I didn’t even get a family picture taken this year for the Christmas cards! I have candid shots of the boys – SO MANY pictures of the boys!!! – but now cheesy Christmas shots. And the handmade presents I meant to send out are still have finished on my dining table. I think I can pull it all together by New Years…Valentine’s Day on the outside.

So I’m trying to learn the important skill of letting it be. I’m a planner, I like to see what’s coming next week, next month, next year – or at least have a vague idea. Right now I have to let that go and exist in today. Today I need to make some cinnamon rolls for Mark to take to work and start puff pastry dough for Christmas gifts. Today I need to snuggle my boys and make sure they eat their vegetables. Which reminds me: today I need to make dinner, and do the dishes and some more laundry. So the new plan is to stop thinking about the plan and try to focus on today.

Just Another Evening

I'm sitting at the computer, doing some post dinner web surfing and I here a weird, "driiip" noise. I look over at Will, standing in the living room at the coffee table with his water bottle and a small tupperware container. He is grinning in the most fiendish way possible and I begin to get an idea what is happening. Before taking action I wait to see if he will repeat whatever he is up to. As I watch him starts shouting, "No! Go!" and pointing to the computer, all while grinning. As he realizes I am not taking my eyes off him he puts his head down on the table and giggles.

I glance away for a half a second and when I look back I see him pouring water from his water bottle into the cup, pick up the cup and DUMP!

I immediately get up and inform him he is going to time out, he goes without resistance. Satisfaction maybe, but no resistance. So there you go. The next 18 years should be super.

Staying Home

***Note: In case you missed it, this post is a year and a half since the last post. Just wanted to point that out real quick. Carry on!

So I was laid off. My firm closed and, being 7 months pregnant, I doubt anyone wants to hire me right now. The plan for now is to stay home for a few months, get ready for baby, due in February, and then enjoy the time off till May.

Monday was my first day as a Stay At Home Mom!! I had my To Do List, my Meal Plan, goals, dreams... I was sick as a dog! Mark and I picked up a stomach flu over the weekend and oh my gosh! It laid me out for 2 days. I spent most of Monday sleeping it off.

But today is better! I've been productive! I've worked on chores! I even have dinner in the crock pot! This week I think I will focus on getting each room in general order so that next week I can (hopefully) get to the details, like washing windows and floorboards.

Will did his part too. While I picked up his room he grabbed the box full of all the clothes from his floor and trucked it to the living room. Then scattered them all liberally about. Luckily one of us takes a nap (I lie, I'm so about to take a nap.) so i was able to pick it all up again. Being a stay at home mom is made harder, I think, by having stay at home kids.

So wish me luck transitioning from full time employee to around the clock mom.

A Mess: It's What's For Dinner

Will enjoyed a dinner of veggie lasagna this evening. He loved it. I made a pair of lasagnas and froze one this weekend. I also made a loaf of wheat bread from scratch and a pizza with homemade crust. I'm on a save-money-make-it-at-home kick and man it tastes good.

Life is Rosey

I got a call on Friday afternoon from Will's school (read: daycare), he had a temp of 103.5.

I rushed to pick him up, brought him home and did the usual tepid bath, Tylonol and loose clothes. His temp came down to 100.3. We rocked back and forth between 100.2 and 103.7 for 2 days and then on Sunday afternoon, as quickly as it appreaed, the fever broke. All's well that ends well, right?

Tuesday night the spots appeared. I self/Google diagnosed him with Roseola and the Dr. agreed. Thank you very much!

BUT!!!!!!

He didn't get better. Monday he was fine, but when I picked him up from school on Tuesday they said he was acting weird, sleeping a lot and laying his head down while playing. Wednesday was the same. By Thursday his care takers at school were freaking out and his temp was back up at 100.3. We took him to the Dr. who thinks that, yes, he did have Roseola and then he contracted this NEW virus.

So TaDa!!! My kid is sick, woah is me.

This was our first fever. Thank goodness for friends and family to help keep everything in perspectiev. It is so easy to flip out your first time around. 103.5?!?!? IS HIS BRAIN MELTING?!!?!??! And thanks goodness for a patient Pediatrician. ARE YOU SURE HIS BRAIN WON'T MELT?!?!?!?!

*Also, ignore the fact that he is noming the pointy end of a brush. Maybe it isn't the BEST idea but the kid has been sick for 4 days, you wanna chew on the rounded end of a brush? Well all right, but only if you promise to stop moaning for the next 3.5 minutes.

Hairied

How do I not notice I am wrinkly until AFTER I leave the house?!?! It's not I like don't have mirrors in my house! And I look in them, I really do! I even ask Mark if I look ok. So then HOW do I get to work and look like such a mess!!!?!?!

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In other news, I got my hair cut last night!!! Yay! Short again, I like it short, who knew? And I got some color!!! I had her do 6 foils on the top of my head in a pretty cherry hard candy red. Fun!! She avoided the bright blonde streaks I already have and just did some low lighting. This is the first time I have ever had my hair colored, it feels like a right of passage or some such.

I think next time I will do the same amount fo color, just the 6 foils on top, but try a more golden red color. The red I have now is neat, but I would like something a little more subtle and natural looking. So I will try something with less of a blue tone and try more red/yellow tone. I may end up looking like Carrot Top. ... meh

Wait, Scartch That

Maybe instead of the Universe telling me to follow my husband on the road and raise my kid like a gypsy, the Turtle Phenomenon was actually trying to warn me that walking about with your house on your back often leads to being crushed to death by giant SUVs. And also, that sentence probably won't make a whole lot of sense unless you read this post first.

Obviously we are backpedaling from our minds-totally-almost-made-up decision to break camp and live on the road. What if, instead of exploring the world one ex-bombing range at a time, seeing the sights, meeting new people, ADVENTURING!!! What if we just, like, moved into a cheap rental house in town and Mark got a second job until he can land an engineering job. How 'bout that? Sure, it's like trading your favorite Mexican dish for a rice cake, but rice cakes have never given anyone heart burn. Or "hot poopies."

We have until Aug. 8 to make a final decision, but now that we have lost our nerve I can't imagine us trading everything we know for an RV and carsickness.

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Someone - someone small and cute and a little fiendish - is feeding the dogs directly from his highchair.

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Our house is officially FOR SALE. The agent came over yesterday and took pictures and had us sign the papers. I feel equal parts thrilled to be moving forward and away from this financial nightmare and sad to be losing our first home. I brought mah behbeh home to this house!!!!! /sniffle

Also, we will probably have to get rid of Jasper, the black lab we brought home right after we bought the house. So if you know anyone who needs a house or a dog, let me know. Or maybe you could take both. Free dog with the purchase of your next home.

Puzzeles Come in Pieces

Has no one else noticed the plague of turtles over the last 2 weeks??! Everywhere I go I see turtles - trying to cross the road, trying to get out of the road, walking alongside the road - EVERYWHERE!! I must have seen at least 30 turtles in the last 14 days. Minimum.

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My Mom offered to put Mark through UXO training. My mom and Dad are both active UXO technicians, working on jobs all over the country for a few months at a time. UXO jobs are usually short term, lasting only a few months. A tech moves from place to place as projects become available. For my Dad this seems ideal, he's got something of a lone wolf thing going on. For my Mom it is a lot harder to leave her family behind for months at a time.

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Mark and I graduated from the local community college with Associates Degrees in the Spring of 2005. I had a great job as a legal secretary, still do. Mark was working at Radio Shack. We discussed our options, what to do next, Mark said he was interested in engineering.

Mark was hesitant to go back to school, we were comfortable, we made more than we spent. We weren't saving for retirement or anything, but we were making the ends meet. The temptation to stay in "comfortable" for a while - a short while - just to rest before getting down to business in the pursuit of "better," was nearly overwhelming. But I grit my teeth and shoved him on, afraid that if we spent even one semester in "comfortable" we might forget how to get back on the road to "better."

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In late 2005 Mark and I bought a house. It was a tiny little thing, 3 bedrooms, 1 bath covered in pink tile, a kitchen that someone had tried to remodel but ran out of steam or capitol midway through. The living room was painted pink. Not soft, powder pink. Bubblegum, Pepto Bismal, Barbie pink. We spent 2 weeks after the closing priming and painting.

Sure, it needed a little work, but it was ours. And yeah, maybe we paid a little too much for it, but it was ours. And ok, it had no Central A/C (did I mention we live in Florida?), but still it came with window units and it - and they - were ours.

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We had to borrow money to get Mark through school. Our Grand Total is in the neighborhood of $35,000. Classes weren't too bad, books were pretty expensive, but most of the cash went to room and bored. The mortgage payment alone was over half my income. So we borrowed, because that is what people do to get ahead, it was an investment.

There was never a doubt in my mind that once Mark graduated there would be an engineering job waiting for him. We live on the Space Coast, for crying out loud. You can't spit without hitting a Defense Contractor. If anything, he might have trouble deciding which offer to accept.

Once he had an engineering degree nailed down paying back the debt would be cake. It was an investment. Or a gamble.

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Mark graduated from UCF with a Bachelor's Degree in Electrical Engineering May of this year. I couldn't be more proud.

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Last week we got four more rejection letters, "Thank you for you interest in the position. We regret to inform you..." No calls for interviews, no offers for internships.

Fucking Economy

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A realtor is coming to the house on Monday so we can sign the listing documents. We have to have the house on the market for 3 months before the Bank will get involved for a short sale. The market value of the property is around $70,000 less than what we owe.

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If Mark goes to UXO school he will be gone for Will's First Birthday. If Will and I stay here in an apartment while Mark travels to UXO jobs Mark will miss huge chunks of Will's life.

UXO companies pay their techs well and house them, usually in a local hotel. Techs make a per diem and overtime is not uncommon.

So what if Will and I went with Mark? We are losing the house anyway, right? And Will is too young for school, it won't disrupt his education. We could just pack up the essentials, sell the rest and start over, start from scratch. I could try my hand at the stay at home Mom gig. We could see the country, I here they are looking for a Tech I in Nevada. Or Virgina. Maybe Louisiana?

What if we traded our dream of a 3 bedroom palace on a quarter acre for a 25' RV parked in a State Park? What if we made Home about where our family is together and not about where are things are? What if we carried home with us on the back of a pickup truck?

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But seriously, the turtle thing really creeps me out. It's like someone is trying to tell me something. Something about reptiles with shells on their back? Something about taking your home with you? I am sure it means something, I just can't put the pieces together.